November 28 will mark the two year anniversary of my dissection experience. I am really glad it happened then and I am somewhat 'fixed', at least for a while.
But aren't we all here only a 'while'? So every day I wake and am breathing is a blessing beyond any words I could write. Each new morning's light is like a coffee break (I'll take espresso) in the long day of uncertainty.
However at the end of the day, as the sun sets, a sometimes subliminal fear sets in, a fear of not waking up. I think this dread of the dark is a weaving of many thought currents not the least being the memory of my late night dissection and the severe panic and pain accompanying the aorta tear.
So at night I do not welcome that visitor of disquietude. Yet it predictably comes.
I do not understand many things. But I know this; it is good to wake up and take a breath. For every new sunrise I am granted absolution from a darkness once more.
Maybe for me this reprieve is what grace is all about.
Sharing Healing Powers through Nature Systematics. Read below about my field recording adventures, experimentations with nature art, and about our attempts to grow terpene-rich hemp flowers in a sustainable and organic manner (IPM), how nature immersion helps me manage my aortic dissection and kidney cancer, about green roofs I've designed over the years and much more life fun.
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